Witness Statement

Take it from the beginning.

I'd heard some talk from my boy, Joaquin 'bout this new shipment of Jordan's supposed to come in--

Not that far.

Right. Sorry. I guess...so by the time I got to the mall, it was already going down, right? I was trying to make my way to the Footlocker, but there were all these people blocking my way. I figured it had to be, some kinda promotion or something. But then I got closer and I realized that they were yelling. 

An angry mob? 

More like an angry audience. Curiosity got one on me, so I walked forward to see what was going on. Had to be about thirty niggas there, all of them screaming some shit I couldn't even follow. 

Can you give us an example?

"Get the fuck out of here," someone said. That stuck out to me the most. A lot of people were saying it, kind of like a chant.

There were a few old heads in the crowd, too. One standing near me was shouting something about marching with King. I could't make out the context, though. 

And then there were all those people shouting 'racist' over and over, like they couldn't think of what else to say. 

Was it Minstrel? Is that what they were mad about?

Not exactly. I mean, I won't say no cuz my own people don't even know how to view him, you know? Niggas hate him one day, then swear he's the second coming the next. A few people always hated him, even less always liked him like talking bout it. Thing is, Minstrel hadn't even arrived yet. I didn't even think he would.

At first, I thought it was going to be your MAGA boys, you know? I figured they came round trying to pull one of their demonstrations and the hood just wasn't having that today. While I tried to make my way closer to the center of the crowd, I was expecting to see some white kids wearing red hats and giving nazi salutes. 

But that's not what you saw? 

Oh, there was white kids. But...they were wearing black makeup all over their faces.

Blackface? So trying to look like African Americans? Why? 

Nah lady you not understanding. They were wearing black makeup. Like the actual color. And big red lipstick. There was four of them, two dudes and two females. The chicks had these giant fake breasts and fake butts, and their hair was tied up all weird. Like they were trying to do bantu knots or some shit.

What about the men?

They were wearing these big, baggy shorts that looked like old canvas. They had on these fake afro wigs, too. Where'd they even find all that? That's what I'm wondering.

Were they saying anything?

Oh, of course they were. They were screaming to be heard over all the people shouting at them. Saying how they weren't trying to be racist, but were trying to show their support of us.

What?

I'm not going to dive too deep into their logic, okay? 

Fair enough.

So anyway, that's when he appeared. There was this loud crash that took everyone's attention away for a quick second. Shit was still heated, but we were all distracted momentarily just cuz we couldn't believe it.

A trashcan had been thrown out the window of a nearby Pizzaria.

Like...like in Do the Right Thing, the Spike Lee joint?

Yeah. On the other side of the glass was Minstrel.  I could hear cursing in the background and saw that the chef was running out the kitchen. Running-running! Dude looked like he was about to clock eighty five and join the Doc and Marty. And he was carrying this huge knife. You know, one of those square ones that chef's use? A cleaver, that's what it's called!

What did Minstrel do?

This nigga cold as hell. He turned his head halfway. Didn't even turn it the full way and look this man directly in the eye. Just a half-turn was enough. Chef took one look at who was standing there and slowly put his knife on one of the tables.

And how did the crowd respond?

We were just as speechless as Chef at first. Speaking for myself, I didn't know what to say. Misntrel's famous, yeah, and I think he's kinda cool, but I don't really know how to talk to a dude like that.

So we all just stared at him while he slowly walked out of the pizza place with this wide grin on his face. He came through the window, with glass crunching under his shoes with each step. When he was out, he picked up the trashcan that he'd just tossed out, and sat it with the flat end up. He sat on that, crossed his legs, and then he just looked at us. 

So the white kids spoke up first. The bigger of the dudes walked up all humble and head lowered, you know?

"We didn't mean anything by it," he said.

Then one of them little white girls stepped up and pulled something from her pocket. I couldn't see what it was, but she was showing it to him. She said, "See? We support Black Lives Matter. We hate Trump, too. But we respect you and what you're trying to do and we wanted to show that. We're activists like you."

What? 

Really not trying to follow their logic, sis. 

I got a friend that's always saying profound shit. He said the thing about white people that they don't even realize is that even when it's super obvious to everyone else that they shouldn't do something, they just go and do it anyway because they know they can point at us and scream double standard. I think that's what that was, I think they knew full well that what they were doing was stupid, but they felt like just because Minstrel did it, that was enough to justify it. It didn't matter to them how many niggas hated Minstrel. Minstrel did it, so they could too.

So then the other dude walks up and he starts talking about the twins-

The twins?

You didn't hear about that? The twins that were walking down past the new Queen Industries building, and got the cops called on them. Shot on sight. The brother died and the girl's in a coma right now, doesn't even know that her brother's dead! And they were only fifteen years old! How come you don't know that!

I did, I did. I just didn't realize that's what you meant. Please, continue.

So the second guy is talking to Minstrel about the twins, yeah? He's saying something about how they were planning on going to GCPD in their makeup to protest for the cops that shot the twins to be fired. Then Minstrel just walks up and punches him with a wide ass grin still on his face.

So the two girls are screaming now. The guy's buddy jumps up and starts yelling at Minstrel. Throwing out a bunch of "hey buddies" and shit. Minstrel doesn't pay him no mind, he just kicks the same dude over and over, grin still wide as hell.

Then the dude grabs Minstrel's shoulder to stop him from beating on his friend. My man does not even flinch! He doesn't turn around, he doesn't say anything. 

White guy tries to turn Minstrel around. And he manages to spin him, sure. But Minstrel just punches him and he goes down. Just one hit and that boy was out cold.

What about the girls?

Well, shoot. I guess Minstrel ain't much for that gentlemanly stuff. Soon as he was done with the guys, he turns to the girls immediately. His grin looked bigger and his eyes got wider when he saw them. Minstrel starts walking up to them while one of them gets on her knees and makes her hands like she's praying. She's begging Minstrel to stop, but her friend is egging him on. The friend pulls a knife from her pocket and starts screaming how she isn't afraid of him.

Minstrel walks up and kicks the kneeling girl dead in her head. She lands on the ground and rolls for a few feet. I could tell he wanted to go towards her body, probably to curb-stomp her. But before he gets a chance, the chick with the knife comes up and starts slashing the air wildly, screaming and cursing the entire time.

Minstrel just yawns.

He yawned?

Isn't that what I just said? He yawned! He put his hand to his mouth and sighed. It was obviously fake, but that wasn't the point. He was trying to piss her off.

Knife girl ran up to Minstrel, and he took a huge leap back. She runs up to him again, and he takes another step back, right? This happens perhaps three more times, and then she gets in arm's length and he doesn't back up. She goes to cut or stab him, and he pulls a damn banjo from behind his back.

A banjo?

Yes.

Where did he get it?

From behind, like I said.

Behind his body? What was behind him? Why didn't she notice the banjo before?

The banjo wasn't there before! Minstrel backed himself into a damn wall, then reached behind his back and a banjo just appeared. It was like an old cartoon. Faster than any of us could see, he pulled out a banjo and hit the bitch dead in the face!

Language.

Sorry ma'am.

Then what happened?

Well, after that, the girl fell to the floor. Minstrel reached into his pocket and pulled out a can of spray paint.  I don't have to tell you what he did with that, right? Good.

And the crowd was still around?

We all were. No one left, I don't think. We watched Minstrel paint their faces. And when he was done, we all started cheering.

You cheered? 

Yeah. And I'm not ashamed of it. Those kids were out there in blackface and fake breasts! They were making a mockery of us and no one was doing anything. They had the audacity to act like they were helping us, but that was just an excuse. Then Minstrel came and put them in check? Yeah, we cheered. I cheered. Like I said, people still felt some type of way about Minstrel, but when he did that, he secured our trust entirely.

So then what happened? 

Well...

sigh

At first we thought he was into it, you know? He was sitting on the car, watching us all with that wide smile of his, and we thought that meant he was happy. And we were more certain when he started laughing. The way he laughs, man, it's like the most pure laughter in the world. He sounds like my niece, even though he has the voice of an adult man. In hindsight, it's creepy but in that moment, he made us all want to laugh too.

Those kids lying on the ground looked funny to me. I felt like Minstrel had told me the greatest secret of the universe by beating on them. They went out in black costumes, thinking that they'd get fanfare and praise. But all they got was blood and bruises. It was funny.

And then, I'm not quite sure when, Minstrel stood up on the car. He was still laughing. His arms were grasping his body while he rocked back and forth on his heels. He was dying laughing.

But he wasn't laughing at the kids. He was laughing at us. And after a while, I think we all realized it.

Why do you think he was laughing at you?

...

Answer the question.

I-I don't think you'd understand, ma'am. I don't really understand it either. The best I can say is that when a Joker wannabe in Black face is standing up and laughing at you, it changes your perspective. I think when Minstrel stood there laughing at us, we realized that he didn't see us as any different from the kids he'd just beaten up. In fact...

In fact what?

In fact...I think he might have felt more for them than us, even if only for a second. It felt like we'd just disappointed him in some way. But for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why.

...How did it make you feel?

sniffs It makes me want to cry. I feel sad now. Sadder than I've ever been. Cuz deep down, I know why he was laughing, I do. It's something I've been running away from for years. I think we all have. That's why it's so easy for so many of us to hate and love the dude at the same time.

I don't understand.

Nah. You wouldn't. That's fine though, it's not for ya'll to understand. Minstrel was talking to us, his people, when he was laughing at us. 

In fact...I'm starting to think that's his secret. Like, there's two Minstrel's. There's the one that's for ya'll, the one that beats ya'll up and sprays black paint on people's faces. Then there's the Minstrel for us, and he's the one that throws trashcans through windows then laughs at us all. I think whenever he's speaking to you, he's speaking to us in a different language entirely.

I still don't really get it. But thank you for your honesty. How are you holding up?

Honest ma'am? I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. I feel sad and angry, but more sad. I've never cried in front of a woman before, yet here I am crying in front of you! It's just so much to feel at once. I feel overwhelmed. 

Fascinating...Thank you for your statement. It'll be very helpful for our search. You can go now.

...

What? 

It's just, before I go...perhaps just once more?

No. You're a married man, and a loyal one at that. I kissed you because I had need of you. I have no such need any longer. Besides, if I were to kiss you again it would make my control last longer, and I don't think you want that.

But Miss Ivy! I do! I swear I want it! I would live under your control forever!

Of course you would. But I don't need you forever, I needed you to tell me what you saw and you did. Go. Before my girlfriend gets too jealous.